Eat With Me

Hey Gaysians.

You gotta watch "Eat with Me" on Netflix. Basically, an Asian mom finds out her son is gay. Then what? Well, it's quite fun to watch how she deals with it in modern day society, and who she meets to help her along. 

Good news is, this movie is in English :) No subtitles needed this time.

Quite a cute movie  Eat with Me Trailer

What are YOUR thoughts on the movie?

Dating Apps

Hey Guys & Gals,

Sorry I've been MIA - busy with work and life and class. So what I want to talk about today is, how do you meet people after college?

Everybody has heard of Tindr, and okcupid, but what about apps like "The L"? Is there a better method to meet someone organically? Sure you can visit the local gay/lesbian/bi club, but how are you suppose to have meaningful connections when you can't hear each other over the loud music? (not to mention over-priced drinks and sweaty drunk people bumping into you).

I honestly do not have any good ideas either other than exhausting your network of friends and getting introduced to someone. I have thought about the idea of open-minded parents setting you up with a potential date, but they would have to be extremely open minded asian parents to do something like that for you. This is where I envy Indian cultures and their match-making marriages. Can I opt for that please?

Throw your idea out there and perhaps your suggestion will help someone else find a meaningful and worthwhile date. We'd love to hear from you :)

George Takei

Did you know....
.........................George Takei is coming out ... with his own movie?! 
It's called "To Be Takei" 

If you are interested in Gaysians in the media, he is an out gaysian celebrity and has been for quite some time. It gives the next generation of gaysians hope of finding someone to grow old with, as he has done. He's also got a great sense of humor too! For example...

Twitter post

amusing.
Other Gaysian celebrities, courtesy of a google search 'gay asian celebrities':
http://www.ranker.com/list/list-of-gay-asian-celebrities/celebrity-lists?format=SLIDESHOW&page=8

list of 54:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jr-tungol/lgbt-asians_b_2026330.html

Ted Video:
George Takei, Why I love a country that once betrayed me

Fifty Shades of Gay

This was a very touching, inspiring and passionate video. Thanks TEDxWomen!

TEDxWomen invites iO Tillett Wright to speak about "fifty shades of gay"
http://www.ted.com/talks/io_tillett_wright_fifty_shades_of_gay

{Artist iO Tillett Wright has photographed 2,000 people who consider themselves somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum and asked many of them: Can you assign a percentage to how gay or straight you are? Most people, it turns out, consider themselves to exist in the gray areas of sexuality, not 100% gay or straight. Which presents a real problem when it comes to discrimination: Where do you draw the line? (Filmed at TEDxWomen.)}

http://video-subtitle.tedcdn.com/talk/podcast/2012X/None/iOTillettWright_2012X-480p-zh-cn.mp4  {simplified Chinese subtitles}

UCLA Queer Asian Pacific Islander Study

What does it mean to be part of the community?

Helping out groups like QAPI complete surveys on what it means to be Queer and Asian.

http://vimeo.com/65035598

click above to fill out survey

I completed it already. Now it's your turn.

I came out to my 外公 grandfather

I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...

Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude. 

Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.


So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.  

Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture* 
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0'' 
       *waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ......  :]

That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation. 


As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:

 老小老小　"Old little Old little" 

It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help. 


When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.

Saving Face

The movie:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384504/

這部電影真的很好看. 為什麼? 當然是因為有很多可愛的女生阿...哈哈哈 . 一個媽媽的愛心, 一個女兒的關心, 一個愛人的感情...有什麼電影可以包括這麼多的感覺在兩個小時之內呢? 很少.

如果你還沒有看過這部電影, 一定要看.這是我最喜歡的女同志電影. 看完以後, 跟我們大家分享你的感受吧.

EDIT (3/17): I just bought this movie from the Eslite bookstore 誠品書店 in Taipei. I know I know, can't believe I didn't own it before because I own like every other popular Lesbian Taiwanese movie when I visit Gin Gin's bookstore in Taipei...but I was waiting for a version that had Chinese and English dubbed audio...and this version I got has like...every language subbed too: Spanish, French, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai..etc etc...so I can lend it around to almost anyone :) YAY!

When I was 14...

I liked a girl for 3 yrs.
I thought I was the only gay asian person.
I didn't know anybody else that was Chinese AND gay.
I knew I could never tell her that I liked her...because she'd never return the feelings.


Freshman year. High School. Hormones. Teenage angst. It's a hard time to be a teenager, the first child in a demanding Chinese family with the pressure and expectation of attending top tier colleges, and maintain extraordinarily unique extra-curricular activities on your resume, AND just to keep it interesting...be gay too.


In junior high and parts of high school, the last thing you want to do is stand out. Everybody is so self-conscious about everything that it would be the death of a teenager if someone found out you were different. If a rumor about someone having an eating disorder could go on for weeks, what would they say if they found out somebody was gay, a lesbian, a bisexual?? Trans?? Terrifying!


These are all thoughts that I (probably) had running through my head. My memory can play tricks on me, but i'm sure this was around the ballpark of what I was thinking. You know, my deepest, darkest secret and fear has always been this: being different...NOT being the "perfect" daughter for my parents...NOT being able to be like everyone else....and NOT being able to share who you really have a crush on...and things like that. It's tough. Life is tough.


But just remember this:

"It gets better."                                              (Just like the 'it gets better' project)

Honestly, it does. When I was 14, I probably wouldn't have believed it, or ever thought I would ever one day come out to my parents, but I did. And you know what? It's not that bad. I know I am very lucky to have the parents that I do to accept who I am, but it also took some time. Definitely didn't happen overnight.

This post is for all those teenagers out there who feel like they're trapped in their world, in their life, in their current situation forever. And I hope this can find even just one teenager out there to give them hope that life does get better. Even though it may not seem like it right now, but trust me, people change, times change, and your life can change too. 


Don't give up hope. Hey, "where there's a will, there's a way." (Dang I'm using a lot of metaphors in this post) ...and keep on smiling. Life DOES gets better :)

The Fear of Coming Out of the Closet

4 a.m. - Graduation Day


I remember the day before college graduation was a horrific experience. Why? Think of the scenario: parents are visiting, siblings are visiting, and some relatives. Most importantly, this was the thought that was running through my head:

"WHAT IF THEY FOUND OUT I WAS GAY?"

Then came the flooded possibilities of the different scenarios that would follow: What if they disowned me? What if they refuse to acknowledge they ever had me as a daughter? Or worse, what if they think i'm some sort of monster or that being gay is just a disease? All these fears kept circling in my head that I eventually broke down. I couldn't sleep. I was fearful and crying. What did I do? I called up my best gay buddy to seek some comfort.


Being the considerate person that I am, I at least waited for the sun to come out before I called him up. So, after I'm freaking out and crying to him over the phone, I go over to his house and he calms me down. For confidentiality reasons, let's call him Peter. So Peter calms me down and reminds me that it's not the end of the world. I have done my research and I am prepared for anything that may happen. Peter is also the President of Asian Pacific Islander Queers (APIQ) - the student club on campus for asians and queers. After I've got a grip on myself and stopped crying, I realized it will be okay. He's right, how would my family know I am gay? By seeing something in my room that would indicate this? Mind you, at this time I was not in a relationship, so I didn't have any incriminating photos lying around.


The feeling of being so scared, so helpless, and utterly fragile started to slip away. My confidence started to come back to me, and reminding myself of everything I learned about what it means to be gay. Sexuality is fluid. I am still trying to figure it out. I am still the same person my family knows and loves, just the idea that I may be attracted to another person of the same gender is different. However, that does not change who I am. I started to collect myself and the reminder that I have this great book, "Dear Mom and Dad, I am Gay" (except in Chinese) is also a great relief that I have solid material to give them, a book of stories of all parents who found out their children were gay and how they have dealt with it.


You never have to feel pressured to identify yourself is either one or another. Remember,

Sexuality is Fluid.

Denial

Ever since I can remember, I knew I was gay. Or technically speaking, a Lesbian. This has been my deepest and darkest secret my whole life. My earliest memories of liking girls went as far back as preschool. I still have pictures from birthday parties of the girl I always invited over for cake, always played with on the playground, and yes, secretly had a crush on. 


I remember on the playground, I would always pretend to be superman, and I would be rescuing "her" from evil villains. C'mon, I had to be superman. Especially since this was my favorite childhood superhero (I had all four tapes at home). Her name was Jennifer.


In kindergarden, I had to start over with a whole new class of kids I didn't know. I don't remember much from my kinder years, but I do know I liked this other girl. Her name was Sarah. The funniest thing was I remember confronting her, at the age of 6!!! Can you believe that? Luckily, I don't think she understood what I was telling her. Here's what I remember from the conversation:


(six year old Me): Hi Sarah, I have something to tell you.
Sarah: Ok. What is it?
(six year old Me): (BIG GULP) ....I .... I..... I like you. 
        *and I give her a heart shaped shiny sticker I found.*


I don't remember what happened after that. But she was still my friend. 


That was the beginning when I first knew that I liked girls.