Dating Apps

Hey Guys & Gals,

Sorry I've been MIA - busy with work and life and class. So what I want to talk about today is, how do you meet people after college?

Everybody has heard of Tindr, and okcupid, but what about apps like "The L"? Is there a better method to meet someone organically? Sure you can visit the local gay/lesbian/bi club, but how are you suppose to have meaningful connections when you can't hear each other over the loud music? (not to mention over-priced drinks and sweaty drunk people bumping into you).

I honestly do not have any good ideas either other than exhausting your network of friends and getting introduced to someone. I have thought about the idea of open-minded parents setting you up with a potential date, but they would have to be extremely open minded asian parents to do something like that for you. This is where I envy Indian cultures and their match-making marriages. Can I opt for that please?

Throw your idea out there and perhaps your suggestion will help someone else find a meaningful and worthwhile date. We'd love to hear from you :)

Wedding Attire = Anxiety

kipper clotheirs tie offered on kickstarter campaign Greyscale Goods

Ok....so I just found this kickstarter campaign called GREYSCALE GOODS with 24 hours left. Great news is that they're already funded, however, this androgynous clothing line started by a woman in Los Angeles and caters to the androgynous female clientele is trying to start a business JUST FOR US!! check it out and support them! I can't wait to see what else they come up with next!

whoa....http://www.dapperq.com/2014/10/personalized-androgynous-clothing-could-be-waiting-on-your-doorstep-if-greyscale-goods-is-backed-on-kickstarter/

AND if you feel like helping out more or just spreading the word...they have a little 5 min survey (only took me 2 min) to help them better their products toward US! 
http://bit.ly/1r1uEbG

kipper clothiers

and for WEDDING ATTIRE related clothing...try these sites :) good luck!

• http://www.gayweddingdestinations.com/information/lesbian-wedding-outfits.aspx
• https://twitter.com/dapperQ 

for that tailored fit..... http://www.kipperclothiers.biz/ ....for women (and men) who exclusively wear men's clothes :) yay!    and wait what? wedding attire advice? No way!

• http://www.soyoureengayged.com/2010/what-to-wear-to-a-wedding-part-two/
• http://sf.racked.com/archives/2014/06/11/custom-wedding-suits-for-women-sf.php

Oh yea..and since Ellen Degeneres has a great sense of style...
http://www.pinterest.com/ellentv/ellens-style/

How do you meet more gay people?

So, you are single and you wish to meet more people just like you. Alright, so, how do you filter out all the straight people and just meet other eligible H6 bachelors and bachelorettes?

From what I've gathered, here are a couple places you can start with:

• Local coffee shops
• Music stores and bookstores (i.e. Eslite bookstore 成品書店, Barnes & Noble, ...)
• Join a local volunteer group you are passionate about (i.e. Habitat for Humanity, Tzu Chi, Red Cross, Animal Shelters, ... )
• Online meet-up groups
• I've heard many people try these online activity groups like hiking, climbing, bike-riding, etc.. Seems to be quite successful in meeting more friends at least.

If you want to try online dating, here are a couple sites to start you out with:

In Taiwan I just heard about this dating site called 2girl.net:

• 2girl.net
• unfortunately it is all in Chinese, so if you can't read/write, sorry.
• you can create a profile and categorize yourself very specifically:
• T (for tomboy)
• P (for 'po' or wife in mandarin)
• Neither but lean towards T
• Neither but lean towards P
• Bisexual
• Male Lesbian  <-- what does that even mean??
• Unsure
• Does not wish to disclose
• Still in closet
• Androgenous
• The interesting bit is you get 'points' for browsing and using the features on the site. For instance, if you join a chat group, you get x points and the more you accumulate, you can 'graduate' from a elementary to middle school level, and so on until doctorate or professor titles.
• OKcupid.com
• This dating site is global, not just in Taiwan. I think this has picked up traction in the states but not so much overseas yet. I could be wrong. It has been awhile since I've visited.
• Cool thing is you can also search "gay guys only" or "gay girls only" and choose not to be seen by non-gay people.
• Downelink.com
• This was what the kids used in college and I know at least two couples who met on DL. I prefer OKC though.

If you know of other popular dating websites, please go ahead and share them with other readers of gaysiansays. I'm sure it will be much appreciated since I am by no means a dating site expert. 

What do you use for online dating? Any advice on how to meet other H6 people?

Red Equal Sign

What does the red equal sign mean?

Human Rights Campaign

Taiwan Pride 2012

October 27, 2012

In honor of Today's Taiwan Pride Parade, which is on it's 10th year anniversary, here is a video to share with all of you:

Love = Love

Let's keep striving for equality and freedom to love whoever we want. If we don't fight for it, who else will? 

This year the organizers have produced a video to support the theme of the parade “Love all the Same, the Same Kind of Love”. This year's theme is to support gay marriage. You can view it below:

http://www.twpride.org/

See you there!

Gaydar

What is gaydar? haha if you haven't heard of the term by now -- i'm sorry but you probably live under a rock, so check this out:

-H6s in range-

gay·dar
noun /ˈgāˌdär/
gaydars, plural

The putative ability of homosexuals to recognize one another intuitively or by means of very slight indications




A couple years ago a straight buddy of mine told me they actually sell 'gaydar' devices online -- some brilliant marketing person thought of an idea where people can buy a 'gaydar' keychain and if two of these devices come in close proximity to each other they'll notify the users that there's another supposedly "gay" person nearby:

Hmm...hahaha they do exist! What a way to be discreet in public huh?! I'm trying to imagine a society where the situation was reversed. Can you imagine if someone came up with a device called "straight-dar" so straight people can ID another straight person with such a silly device? "Oh no!...you're like, so totally...Straight!...what a waste!..." - boxer cover

Then there's the question: Ok, so how do I develop a more accurate gaydar?


Answer: practice practice practice! 


Explanation: As with most things in life, we must practice to hone our skills and through trial and error and developing superior observational and deductive skills... we will all have better functioning and useful internal 'gaydar' abilities without having to purchase keychain devices alerting us if another person of H6 origins is close by.

Comical gaydar image

How does one practice and hone their gaydar skills? How about people watching with a close group of friends or better yet, with someone you know who has excellent gaydar abilities. Once you get passed the obvious stereotypical indicators such as super flamboyant gay boys or super butch gay girls...it's the in-between "Bi" people that are usually the most challenging to identify. The ultimate test - if you're brave enough, go up and ask the person their sexuality. If you're really brave and find 'said target' attractive - try hitting on them and see what happens... what's the worse that can happen, they'll say no right? In that case you got nothing to lose! 




Good luck to all you H6s (and allies) and have fun practicing and developing superior gaydar skills :D

which "L" tv shows should you watch?

I am currently watching: Lost Girl <-- it's really good so far. Thank you buddy for recommending it to me! Now I know what the definition of a succubus is...mmhmmm exactly~~~

SO HOT!

Video Rating: PG-13 kids; don't watch it if you can't handle it

gaysiansays you should checkout these other shows too~

• L word (of course)
• Skins (British version season 3 + season 4 "naomily")
• Pretty Little Liars
• Wonderfalls
• South of Nowhere

There is also a list of LGBT themed tv drama series here if you want more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dramatic_television_series_with_LGBT_characters

Get the popcorn ready and some buddies together to watch these addicting shows~ and enjoy!

How I Came Out to my Mother, Part 1

Cause and Effect.


Really, that's how it came about. There was a situation, a cause, that prompted the effect of me coming out to my mother. So here's how it happened.


It was really my aunt.


Haha, that's cheating right? I didn't really come out to my mother myself? Not quite. You see, now that I've experienced it, I think this is a great way to come out to your parents. Come out to one of their close siblings first. For me, fortunately, I was already really close to my aunt, who is also close to my mom (well, they're sisters). I didn't know this at the time, but right after I came out to my Aunt, she told my Mother.


In a nutshell:


-Rented a lesbian movie with aunt/uncle
-afterwards, came out to Aunt online...because I was too afraid to tell her in person
-Aunt told Mother
-Mother suspects I am gay for a couple months..and questions if I am going to a gay bar every time I go out
-breakup with 1st gf prompted coming out (as bi at the time)


Result:
-NO Motherly comfort, just an intense Q&A session
-1 week later, I came out to my dad only because I felt it was unfair to tell one parent and not the other.


The nitty gritty details:


It was my 3rd year in college, and I don't really remember why I had picked a gay themed movie to watch while my relatives and I were at Blockbuster on a Friday night. I was back home for the weekend visiting and when we couldn't find any movies to rent, I picked up this Gay themed one with an Asian girl on the cover, and some other movies. We ended up watching the one I picked. 


It was a horrible movie. Terrible actually. First off, it was only an hour long, and second, it must have been a low budget poorly written production because there was hardly any story and I had never heard of it before,...I was just curious. So, after I made my relatives watch this terrible gay movie, they gave me the opportunity to open up a discussion. My aunt asked me,

"So..............is there something you want to tell us?" 

Me: 0_0          ........*GULP*  

um.....noooo *awkward pause* ok, i'm gonna go to my room now.

After I get back to my apartment at school, my Aunt IMs me and directly asks if I like girls. What can I say...This was the first time I came out to anyone in my family.

Scary, but not impossible.

As I started to tell my Aunt my deepest and darkest secret I've kept my whole life...I couldn't help the tears that started streaming down my cheeks. I remember telling her I didn't want to tell anyone because I was ashamed of how I really felt and who I really was. Growing up, I was always the obedient daughter and never wanted to disappoint my parents or my family. At the time, I felt like being gay was one of the greatest disappointments I could be to my parents and my biggest fear was becoming just that. A disappointment. 


Not only was I afraid of being a disappointment, I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore, or love me less, or blame themselves or ...or any other undesirable scenario a child could imagine if their parents found out they were gay. Imagine if you had a child, and one day they came to you and told you they are attracted to people of their same gender. How would you feel?
...
And then, how would you react?


Exactly. If your parents were only exposed to a culture and society that embraced ignorance and hypocrisy, then you probably would NEVER want to come out to them. You can imagine how I felt when my Aunt broached the topic and cracked open the closet door for me.
...


I remember saying something like, "do you think I'm a monster?" and "For as long as I can remember I was like this...I didn't choose to be gay"


I couldn't have wished for a better reaction. My Aunt said I should have come out to her sooner, and that I should have known better. She's such an open-minded person that I could have told her sooner instead of having lived in fear and walked a lonely road through adolescence. I felt so relieved and so liberated and grateful that she accepted me for who I am. I was overwhelmed.


I can't describe in words how I felt that day when I finally told someone in my family how I truly felt inside. No more questions or comments about me finding a boyfriend or any other hypothetical marriage scenarios of me with a future "husband." I felt accepted. I was still loved in exactly the same manner as a gay niece vs. a straight niece. I'm really lucky to have someone in the family that is so open-minded and accepting. 

I can finally share my true feelings without having to hide or lie about who I am with someone in the family.

From halfway around the globe...

What it's like to be gay ... in Taiwan

-I just found an article that said 75% of the Taiwanese adult population considered gay relationships to be acceptable. That was in 2006. (Taiwan gay rights group to host lesbian weddings)

-Taiwan is one of the most gay friendly places. Homosexuality is legal.

Surprising! They even have a group for parents to help other parents come out (and accept their gay children). I’m surprised because the vibe that I get when I visit Taiwan is that the older adult population are either oblivious to gay culture or gay people, or are too traditional to accept it (so they just choose not to acknowledge it). I visit Taiwan about once a year, and each time I go back, I see more and more young people that are comfortable being out and about in public. They are at popular hangout spots like Ximending, various night markets throughout Taipei, around Universities, and everyday public spaces that you would normally expect to see young people.

I understand that Taiwanese culture, unlike American culture, does not have the “personal bubble” concept that Americans are accustomed to. School children are often seen holding hands or linking arms in both genders. This type of friendly schoolmate behavior continues throughout adolescence and is seen as a sign of closeness, not relationship/dating type of intimacy. I remember when I visited Taiwan as a child, I asked my mother,

“Why does everybody hold hands here? How come the girls hold hands and the boys are very huggy and affectionate towards each other?”

My mother simply replied, “They’re just close. That’s what school kids do here. You link arms with your best friend. You share bike seats with your buddy. That’s the culture. It doesn’t mean they like each other like boyfriend/girlfriend.”

Oh. Is that all. BUT, how do you know that??? What if they DO like each other like boyfriend/girlfriend? ….Wow….I kind of wish I grew up here. I’d get to be close to a girl classmate I like, and nobody would know I had feelings for her. Huh!

Besides the different social aspect in growing up with different acceptable schoolchildren behavior… It has become more clear to me that the traditional Chinese parent, and perhaps Taiwanese parents specifically, are more accepting of seeing a new generation of young, gay children. On my next upcoming visit to the beautiful Formosa island, I will try to investigate first-hand what parents actually think about growing up gay. Seeing gay students in public, facing the circumstance if their child came out to them as a gay son or lesbian daughter, or bisexual, or …etc etc… I am curious how this parent group came to be, how the first accepting mom of a gay child, or father of a gay child, came to convince others and step out of the closet themselves and not just accept their child for who they are, but HOW they found the courage to stand up to others and the public and why everybody should be just as accepting as them. That would be a great conversation to have, and I’ll definitely share with you the findings of my research.

How different. What a completely different world this is. Maybe there are some aspects of Taiwan that are more progressive than the U.S.? And I always thought USA was #1 in everything……

….perhaps this time it’s USA that should learn from this small island called TAIWAN.

The Fear of Coming Out of the Closet

4 a.m. - Graduation Day


I remember the day before college graduation was a horrific experience. Why? Think of the scenario: parents are visiting, siblings are visiting, and some relatives. Most importantly, this was the thought that was running through my head:

"WHAT IF THEY FOUND OUT I WAS GAY?"

Then came the flooded possibilities of the different scenarios that would follow: What if they disowned me? What if they refuse to acknowledge they ever had me as a daughter? Or worse, what if they think i'm some sort of monster or that being gay is just a disease? All these fears kept circling in my head that I eventually broke down. I couldn't sleep. I was fearful and crying. What did I do? I called up my best gay buddy to seek some comfort.


Being the considerate person that I am, I at least waited for the sun to come out before I called him up. So, after I'm freaking out and crying to him over the phone, I go over to his house and he calms me down. For confidentiality reasons, let's call him Peter. So Peter calms me down and reminds me that it's not the end of the world. I have done my research and I am prepared for anything that may happen. Peter is also the President of Asian Pacific Islander Queers (APIQ) - the student club on campus for asians and queers. After I've got a grip on myself and stopped crying, I realized it will be okay. He's right, how would my family know I am gay? By seeing something in my room that would indicate this? Mind you, at this time I was not in a relationship, so I didn't have any incriminating photos lying around.


The feeling of being so scared, so helpless, and utterly fragile started to slip away. My confidence started to come back to me, and reminding myself of everything I learned about what it means to be gay. Sexuality is fluid. I am still trying to figure it out. I am still the same person my family knows and loves, just the idea that I may be attracted to another person of the same gender is different. However, that does not change who I am. I started to collect myself and the reminder that I have this great book, "Dear Mom and Dad, I am Gay" (except in Chinese) is also a great relief that I have solid material to give them, a book of stories of all parents who found out their children were gay and how they have dealt with it.


You never have to feel pressured to identify yourself is either one or another. Remember,

Sexuality is Fluid.

Denial

Ever since I can remember, I knew I was gay. Or technically speaking, a Lesbian. This has been my deepest and darkest secret my whole life. My earliest memories of liking girls went as far back as preschool. I still have pictures from birthday parties of the girl I always invited over for cake, always played with on the playground, and yes, secretly had a crush on. 


I remember on the playground, I would always pretend to be superman, and I would be rescuing "her" from evil villains. C'mon, I had to be superman. Especially since this was my favorite childhood superhero (I had all four tapes at home). Her name was Jennifer.


In kindergarden, I had to start over with a whole new class of kids I didn't know. I don't remember much from my kinder years, but I do know I liked this other girl. Her name was Sarah. The funniest thing was I remember confronting her, at the age of 6!!! Can you believe that? Luckily, I don't think she understood what I was telling her. Here's what I remember from the conversation:


(six year old Me): Hi Sarah, I have something to tell you.
Sarah: Ok. What is it?
(six year old Me): (BIG GULP) ....I .... I..... I like you. 
        *and I give her a heart shaped shiny sticker I found.*


I don't remember what happened after that. But she was still my friend. 


That was the beginning when I first knew that I liked girls.