Dating Apps

Hey Guys & Gals,

Sorry I've been MIA - busy with work and life and class. So what I want to talk about today is, how do you meet people after college?

Everybody has heard of Tindr, and okcupid, but what about apps like "The L"? Is there a better method to meet someone organically? Sure you can visit the local gay/lesbian/bi club, but how are you suppose to have meaningful connections when you can't hear each other over the loud music? (not to mention over-priced drinks and sweaty drunk people bumping into you).

I honestly do not have any good ideas either other than exhausting your network of friends and getting introduced to someone. I have thought about the idea of open-minded parents setting you up with a potential date, but they would have to be extremely open minded asian parents to do something like that for you. This is where I envy Indian cultures and their match-making marriages. Can I opt for that please?

Throw your idea out there and perhaps your suggestion will help someone else find a meaningful and worthwhile date. We'd love to hear from you :)

The yellow equal sign

The Human Rights Campaign

I don't really know what they do, but I see the bumper stickers, T-shirts, etc... everywhere, especially around the city of San Francisco. [http://www.hrc.org/] However, I do like this back to school twitter post they have about how to confront the "That's so Gay!" phrase among students:

https://twitter.com/HRC/status/510129561099857921/photo/1

Try it out and leave a comment on how it went :)

Supreme Court rules Gay Marriage Legal!

What wonderful news! And yes it's about time!

Gay marriages resume in California after five-year hiatus
click link above

Today's newest headlines are in! Instead of waiting 25 days for there to be objections to the supreme court ruling, the court decided to shorten that window to only 2 days (the deadline being this evening)! As a result, many couples have already lined up to register and say their marriage vows. I don't know about your hometown, but San Francisco is already in celebration! It's also a coincidence that this weekend is Pride weekend! Can you imagine being in the castro with an expected 1.5 million people?!?!?!

Here's another article from New York Times explaining more about the same-sex marriage rulings:

NYT: Supreme Court Bolsters Gay Marriage With Two Major Rulings

click link above

It's a great week for all Americans today because it's a celebration of another stride towards true equality. Way to go USA!

Guide to Dating, Part 1

Love at first sight?! Probably not. 
Attraction at first sight?! Probably yes.

Therefore, let's do a post on some guidelines for dating if you are thinking about going on the market, *ahem* the dating market. FYI, this is just my own market research I've done regarding fashion and grooming tips from my circle of gaysian buddies. Here we go~

Fashion & Grooming Tips

For gay guys:

• grooming
• hygiene
• fashion
• personality

For gay girls:

• hygiene
• confidence
• personality

Everybody has their own style. What's yours? Figure that out first, then be comfortable in your own shoes (literally and figuratively). Once you've established what your particular and unique style(s) are, then work it! Accentuate on all your positive features, and ask your friends to help you with this part. If they are your true friends, they will tell it like it is, no sugar coating and most likely, take you shopping to get some new outfits or makeovers or whatnot. After-all, isn't that what friends are for? ^_^''

Secondly, once you've established your style got some help with your wardrobe and exterior stuff, time to work on the interior. Build that confidence. Again, be comfortable in your own shoes. Know what you like, and what you don't like. If you don't know, then yes, that is where the term "dating" came from, to help us all figure it out. 

Another thing to keep in mind, it's okay to take your time and figure it out. There is nothing wrong with being single, not being single, feeling attracted to a particular gender, or both, or none. Everybody is different and we should all be accepting of everyone's unique qualities and preferences. After-all, we do live in America. Well, most of the readers here do anyway.

Ok, so there you are, some grooming and fashion tips from yours truly, now go out there and get'em! Good luck and happy searching~

UCLA Queer Asian Pacific Islander Study

What does it mean to be part of the community?

Helping out groups like QAPI complete surveys on what it means to be Queer and Asian.

http://vimeo.com/65035598

click above to fill out survey

I completed it already. Now it's your turn.

How do you meet more gay people?

So, you are single and you wish to meet more people just like you. Alright, so, how do you filter out all the straight people and just meet other eligible H6 bachelors and bachelorettes?

From what I've gathered, here are a couple places you can start with:

• Local coffee shops
• Music stores and bookstores (i.e. Eslite bookstore 成品書店, Barnes & Noble, ...)
• Join a local volunteer group you are passionate about (i.e. Habitat for Humanity, Tzu Chi, Red Cross, Animal Shelters, ... )
• Online meet-up groups
• I've heard many people try these online activity groups like hiking, climbing, bike-riding, etc.. Seems to be quite successful in meeting more friends at least.

If you want to try online dating, here are a couple sites to start you out with:

In Taiwan I just heard about this dating site called 2girl.net:

• 2girl.net
• unfortunately it is all in Chinese, so if you can't read/write, sorry.
• you can create a profile and categorize yourself very specifically:
• T (for tomboy)
• P (for 'po' or wife in mandarin)
• Neither but lean towards T
• Neither but lean towards P
• Bisexual
• Male Lesbian  <-- what does that even mean??
• Unsure
• Does not wish to disclose
• Still in closet
• Androgenous
• The interesting bit is you get 'points' for browsing and using the features on the site. For instance, if you join a chat group, you get x points and the more you accumulate, you can 'graduate' from a elementary to middle school level, and so on until doctorate or professor titles.
• OKcupid.com
• This dating site is global, not just in Taiwan. I think this has picked up traction in the states but not so much overseas yet. I could be wrong. It has been awhile since I've visited.
• Cool thing is you can also search "gay guys only" or "gay girls only" and choose not to be seen by non-gay people.
• Downelink.com
• This was what the kids used in college and I know at least two couples who met on DL. I prefer OKC though.

If you know of other popular dating websites, please go ahead and share them with other readers of gaysiansays. I'm sure it will be much appreciated since I am by no means a dating site expert. 

What do you use for online dating? Any advice on how to meet other H6 people?

Red Equal Sign

What does the red equal sign mean?

Human Rights Campaign

Taiwan Pride 2012

October 27, 2012

In honor of Today's Taiwan Pride Parade, which is on it's 10th year anniversary, here is a video to share with all of you:

Love = Love

Let's keep striving for equality and freedom to love whoever we want. If we don't fight for it, who else will? 

This year the organizers have produced a video to support the theme of the parade “Love all the Same, the Same Kind of Love”. This year's theme is to support gay marriage. You can view it below:

http://www.twpride.org/

See you there!

Gaydar

What is gaydar? haha if you haven't heard of the term by now -- i'm sorry but you probably live under a rock, so check this out:

-H6s in range-

gay·dar
noun /ˈgāˌdär/
gaydars, plural

The putative ability of homosexuals to recognize one another intuitively or by means of very slight indications




A couple years ago a straight buddy of mine told me they actually sell 'gaydar' devices online -- some brilliant marketing person thought of an idea where people can buy a 'gaydar' keychain and if two of these devices come in close proximity to each other they'll notify the users that there's another supposedly "gay" person nearby:

Hmm...hahaha they do exist! What a way to be discreet in public huh?! I'm trying to imagine a society where the situation was reversed. Can you imagine if someone came up with a device called "straight-dar" so straight people can ID another straight person with such a silly device? "Oh no!...you're like, so totally...Straight!...what a waste!..." - boxer cover

Then there's the question: Ok, so how do I develop a more accurate gaydar?


Answer: practice practice practice! 


Explanation: As with most things in life, we must practice to hone our skills and through trial and error and developing superior observational and deductive skills... we will all have better functioning and useful internal 'gaydar' abilities without having to purchase keychain devices alerting us if another person of H6 origins is close by.

Comical gaydar image

How does one practice and hone their gaydar skills? How about people watching with a close group of friends or better yet, with someone you know who has excellent gaydar abilities. Once you get passed the obvious stereotypical indicators such as super flamboyant gay boys or super butch gay girls...it's the in-between "Bi" people that are usually the most challenging to identify. The ultimate test - if you're brave enough, go up and ask the person their sexuality. If you're really brave and find 'said target' attractive - try hitting on them and see what happens... what's the worse that can happen, they'll say no right? In that case you got nothing to lose! 




Good luck to all you H6s (and allies) and have fun practicing and developing superior gaydar skills :D

Taiwan LGBT spots to checkout

Check this out - Queer Girl City Guide: Taipei, Taiwan

http://www.autostraddle.com/queer-girl-city-guide-taipei-taiwan-136557/

FYI - very queer and women focused site 'Autostraddle' is a great place to get your daily dose of L news...

Taipei Hangout Spots:

• apparently the 信義 Xinyi district is known for being a "gay friendly" area. My friend told me there are lots of couples walking around there, very open, very public. FYI - she's straight, and she tells me sometimes it feels like she's out of place because there are so many same-sex couples in the area 0_0'' very surprising! I suppose it must be similar to the castro district in San Francisco where you just feel somewhat out of place if you are not part of the community.
• Xi Men Ding 西門町 bars are also a must visit location for those staying in Taipei. In the evenings, there's a whole slew of outdoor seating with your pick of bars that allows you to unwind after a hard week of work with your buddies while ordering some delicious drinks under the evening stars and of course, checking out other good looking people ;) 

Taipei shops:

• gin gin's bookstore 晶晶書庫 : one stop shop w/ books, movies, articles, knick-knacks, clothing, random rainbow stuff, etc...
  
  http://www.ginginbooks.com/index.htm
• loveboat (across the street from gin gin's)
  
  http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/index.php?osCsid=42716e4306b167e511954d058bc8fbe6

Taipei clubs:

• Taboo,  台北市建國北路2段90號,  011 886 2 2518 1119 http://www.taboo.com.tw/
  This place is pretty cool. Since Esha is no longer around, the L ladies flock to this place which puts on monthly events too I believe. Check it out if you're in the neighborhood or plan on visiting Formosa.
• The autostraddle article mentions a place called "twiice" but I've never been to it

Honestly, outside of Taipei...I don't know of any "LGBT" themed/designated areas. However, I do know that you can spot an LGBT person anywhere you go - pretty much anywhere in Taiwan. It's a friendly country :) 

which "L" tv shows should you watch?

I am currently watching: Lost Girl <-- it's really good so far. Thank you buddy for recommending it to me! Now I know what the definition of a succubus is...mmhmmm exactly~~~

SO HOT!

Video Rating: PG-13 kids; don't watch it if you can't handle it

gaysiansays you should checkout these other shows too~

• L word (of course)
• Skins (British version season 3 + season 4 "naomily")
• Pretty Little Liars
• Wonderfalls
• South of Nowhere

There is also a list of LGBT themed tv drama series here if you want more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dramatic_television_series_with_LGBT_characters

Get the popcorn ready and some buddies together to watch these addicting shows~ and enjoy!

I came out to my 外公 grandfather

I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...

Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude. 

Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.


So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.  

Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture* 
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0'' 
       *waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ......  :]

That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation. 


As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:

 老小老小　"Old little Old little" 

It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help. 


When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.

Coming out to Co-workers

Plain and simple, whenever you are ready. In a professional setting, if you don't feel comfortable coming out, then don't. You should never feel pressured when people start asking about your sexual orientation or if you are in a relationship, or anything along those lines. 

The work environment is one in which you should be very careful to separate your personal life and your professional work life.

out at work

Different companies/organizations/groups/etc.. have the general HR policy that they will not discriminate because of age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, background, etc etc... but you know what? People still do. It's just human nature. There is no such thing as a perfect work environment, just like there is no such thing as the perfect job, or the "perfect ____". I just want to be extra cautious with this post, because you never know what will happen when people know personal details about yourself that you don't feel comfortable telling them. You got to look out for your own safely, in case there are "closet haters" that you don't know about at work. If co-workers have asked you before, and you feel comfortable with your colleagues enough to share personal details, then sure go ahead and tell them. However, if you are not, beware of gossip as pictured below:

 Water Cooler Gossip

Of course there are also positive aspects of coming at to colleagues. In some circumstances, you work long hours or in such close quarters with your co-workers that you become really good friends too. In any situation, you have to gauge how comfortable you are trusting other people. By all means, if your relationship with colleagues has evolved to one in which it is more of a friendship than purely "office" or "work" relationships [platonic], just go for it. 

I've found that coming out to people at work who are also H6, or who are obviously open-minded individuals that you trust is also a very liberating experience. I never felt comfortable telling my direct manager or upper leadership or any of those "boss" type levels about my sexual orientation, except for the ones that are also H6. You would be surprised to find out who else in your work environment is also part of the H6 community <3 If you have questions, feel free to leave comments below and I'll try my best to answer them. 

Good luck to all H6s coming out of the work closet!
~when you are ready~

As always, “be well, do good work and keep in touch.” - Noam Chomsky

Parents. Love.

I just really wanted to share this article with you all. This is really touching, and I hope all our parents will be able to get to this stage at some point in their lives:

Parents of LGBT children in Taiwan launch official group

click above

Please check it out if you're interested in coming out, or have come out to your parents already and would like to open up a discussion with them <3

IM convo ...about the future...and having kids

In an IM conversation to a friend of mine about my thought process towards education for my future kids:

Me: I like my parents around...but probably not all the time

...

Finland idea..came from when my parents went to Helsinki for their anniversary cruise

and then i look up that their economy and education system ain't bad at all

in fact..much better than the states...

seems like a great place to grow up and raise a family

....Who doesnt want the best education for their kids right?

i dont wanna be pregnant...so i dont really have to worry about the childbirth process..unless my partner has complications if she gets pregnant...

so..i have to keep that option open.

I'm 27.

not that young anymore if i want to have a healthy baby

and who knows if my partner will one day be older or younger..but if they're older..then more possibility they will have a difficult childbirth right?

....thinking too much

i just gotta make money

26 Amazing Facts About Finland's Unorthodox Education System

Me: thanks for reading

i have too many dreams

i want to do everything

but everything requires lots of money..so I have to think smart on how to make my portfolio grow
---
*sigh* 
story of everybody's life right? Money is what makes the world go 'round. It's easier to make money with money. More money = more power... etc. etc.


So then it begs the question: What would you do if it was YOU that had an abundance of wealth?


EDIT: After some further research, I'd pick Singapore as a potential city/country for my future kids. It's equally awesome and may have an even better education system than Finland...

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88sRFY7JCqo&feature=colike

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

Listen. Watch. Imagine.

I'm sure you've had those confusing childhood moments when you just don't know if you really do like boys, or girls, or both. This movie draws on those moments and brings the audience to a point in time where life was simpler, yet more complicated. You know what I mean.

This singer 陳綺貞 is featured in this MV. Her sexuality is unknown to me, but I'm glad she made this MV to help all the wandering gaysians out there feel a little less lonely on this journey of self - discovery.


EDIT (3/20): This MV features clips from the movie "Blue Gate" or "藍色大門" in case you were wondering or wanted to check it out :)

這個世界已經夠煩惱了。太多複雜的事情會讓我們感覺到壓力。記得小時候單純的生活嗎？長大以後，要記得我們走過的路，我們快樂和不快樂的時候。這些過程會讓我們變成我們以後會當的成仇大人。

Saving Face

The movie:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384504/

這部電影真的很好看. 為什麼? 當然是因為有很多可愛的女生阿...哈哈哈 . 一個媽媽的愛心, 一個女兒的關心, 一個愛人的感情...有什麼電影可以包括這麼多的感覺在兩個小時之內呢? 很少.

如果你還沒有看過這部電影, 一定要看.這是我最喜歡的女同志電影. 看完以後, 跟我們大家分享你的感受吧.

EDIT (3/17): I just bought this movie from the Eslite bookstore 誠品書店 in Taipei. I know I know, can't believe I didn't own it before because I own like every other popular Lesbian Taiwanese movie when I visit Gin Gin's bookstore in Taipei...but I was waiting for a version that had Chinese and English dubbed audio...and this version I got has like...every language subbed too: Spanish, French, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai..etc etc...so I can lend it around to almost anyone :) YAY!

Maryland about to approve same-sex marriage

Hey look America, another state is legalizing same-sex marriage:


http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/01/us/maryland-same-sex-marriage/index.html?hpt=us_c2

"All children deserve the opportunity to live in a loving, caring, committed and stable home, protected equally under the law" -Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley

 I agree.


Now to encourage more states to follow suit. It makes pretty good sense to me according to Gov. O'Malley. California needs to follow too. We need more people moving here and getting married and spending money and living here, because our state is broke. We're suppose to be the leaders in progressive movements and we're not doing that great of a job. 


Do we want more people moving away to other states? Well, our government certainly is not doing a great job of keeping people in this high cost of living state with our gas prices going up and up, unemployment low, and education...well that's self explanatory.

H6

THE kinsey scale. What is H6? Stands for "Hella Gay"
This my friends, is how you point out someone you see in public, but don't want to say the word "gay" out loud...so you just say:

"Hey guys..check it out..H6 H6 walking to your right" 

 to purchase

Here's wikipedia's explanation of the kinsey scale, if you haven't already heard of it. I first learned about this in APIQ at school and found it was very interesting. There is where the term "sexuality is fluid" comes from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

In case you were wondering...I would probably rate myself a H5 on the scale. Like I said, it fluctuates, but I'd say i'm a solid 5. I don't rule out the possibility of meeting a "guy" but I also know myself well enough to say that I am mostly attracted to girls. Always have been, and probably always will be. However, since love is love, who knows. Perhaps one day a dude will swoop me off my feet and I just can't say no. haha, we'll see.


My friend came up with this term and it has stuck. We like to keep it used within the community, but of course share this wonderful new vocabulary with your friends. It makes life easier when you go people watching or don't want to attract attention from eavesdroppers. 


Have fun!


p.s. Happy Birthday Brother!

When I was 14...

I liked a girl for 3 yrs.
I thought I was the only gay asian person.
I didn't know anybody else that was Chinese AND gay.
I knew I could never tell her that I liked her...because she'd never return the feelings.


Freshman year. High School. Hormones. Teenage angst. It's a hard time to be a teenager, the first child in a demanding Chinese family with the pressure and expectation of attending top tier colleges, and maintain extraordinarily unique extra-curricular activities on your resume, AND just to keep it interesting...be gay too.


In junior high and parts of high school, the last thing you want to do is stand out. Everybody is so self-conscious about everything that it would be the death of a teenager if someone found out you were different. If a rumor about someone having an eating disorder could go on for weeks, what would they say if they found out somebody was gay, a lesbian, a bisexual?? Trans?? Terrifying!


These are all thoughts that I (probably) had running through my head. My memory can play tricks on me, but i'm sure this was around the ballpark of what I was thinking. You know, my deepest, darkest secret and fear has always been this: being different...NOT being the "perfect" daughter for my parents...NOT being able to be like everyone else....and NOT being able to share who you really have a crush on...and things like that. It's tough. Life is tough.


But just remember this:

"It gets better."                                              (Just like the 'it gets better' project)

Honestly, it does. When I was 14, I probably wouldn't have believed it, or ever thought I would ever one day come out to my parents, but I did. And you know what? It's not that bad. I know I am very lucky to have the parents that I do to accept who I am, but it also took some time. Definitely didn't happen overnight.

This post is for all those teenagers out there who feel like they're trapped in their world, in their life, in their current situation forever. And I hope this can find even just one teenager out there to give them hope that life does get better. Even though it may not seem like it right now, but trust me, people change, times change, and your life can change too. 


Don't give up hope. Hey, "where there's a will, there's a way." (Dang I'm using a lot of metaphors in this post) ...and keep on smiling. Life DOES gets better :)