Eat With Me

Hey Gaysians.

You gotta watch "Eat with Me" on Netflix. Basically, an Asian mom finds out her son is gay. Then what? Well, it's quite fun to watch how she deals with it in modern day society, and who she meets to help her along. 

Good news is, this movie is in English :) No subtitles needed this time.

Quite a cute movie  Eat with Me Trailer

What are YOUR thoughts on the movie?

About raising gender non-conforming children

http://raisingmyrainbow.com/2012/06/30/12-things-every-gender-nonconforming-child-wants-you-to-know/

Great article and this should be what we hope to strive for as adults and what we wish our parents to be for us.

Red Equal Sign

What does the red equal sign mean?

Human Rights Campaign

Taiwan's FIRST Same-sex Buddhist Marriage

Read article here:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/13-photos-from-taiwans-first-same-sex-buddhist-ma

Awww, this article was just too cute I had to share it with you all first! Will update with thoughts and feedback later :)

<3

Gaydar

What is gaydar? haha if you haven't heard of the term by now -- i'm sorry but you probably live under a rock, so check this out:

-H6s in range-

gay·dar
noun /ˈgāˌdär/
gaydars, plural

The putative ability of homosexuals to recognize one another intuitively or by means of very slight indications




A couple years ago a straight buddy of mine told me they actually sell 'gaydar' devices online -- some brilliant marketing person thought of an idea where people can buy a 'gaydar' keychain and if two of these devices come in close proximity to each other they'll notify the users that there's another supposedly "gay" person nearby:

Hmm...hahaha they do exist! What a way to be discreet in public huh?! I'm trying to imagine a society where the situation was reversed. Can you imagine if someone came up with a device called "straight-dar" so straight people can ID another straight person with such a silly device? "Oh no!...you're like, so totally...Straight!...what a waste!..." - boxer cover

Then there's the question: Ok, so how do I develop a more accurate gaydar?


Answer: practice practice practice! 


Explanation: As with most things in life, we must practice to hone our skills and through trial and error and developing superior observational and deductive skills... we will all have better functioning and useful internal 'gaydar' abilities without having to purchase keychain devices alerting us if another person of H6 origins is close by.

Comical gaydar image

How does one practice and hone their gaydar skills? How about people watching with a close group of friends or better yet, with someone you know who has excellent gaydar abilities. Once you get passed the obvious stereotypical indicators such as super flamboyant gay boys or super butch gay girls...it's the in-between "Bi" people that are usually the most challenging to identify. The ultimate test - if you're brave enough, go up and ask the person their sexuality. If you're really brave and find 'said target' attractive - try hitting on them and see what happens... what's the worse that can happen, they'll say no right? In that case you got nothing to lose! 




Good luck to all you H6s (and allies) and have fun practicing and developing superior gaydar skills :D

I came out to my 外公 grandfather

I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...

Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude. 

Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.


So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.  

Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture* 
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0'' 
       *waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ......  :]

That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation. 


As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:

 老小老小　"Old little Old little" 

It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help. 


When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.

Coming out to Co-workers

Plain and simple, whenever you are ready. In a professional setting, if you don't feel comfortable coming out, then don't. You should never feel pressured when people start asking about your sexual orientation or if you are in a relationship, or anything along those lines. 

The work environment is one in which you should be very careful to separate your personal life and your professional work life.

out at work

Different companies/organizations/groups/etc.. have the general HR policy that they will not discriminate because of age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, background, etc etc... but you know what? People still do. It's just human nature. There is no such thing as a perfect work environment, just like there is no such thing as the perfect job, or the "perfect ____". I just want to be extra cautious with this post, because you never know what will happen when people know personal details about yourself that you don't feel comfortable telling them. You got to look out for your own safely, in case there are "closet haters" that you don't know about at work. If co-workers have asked you before, and you feel comfortable with your colleagues enough to share personal details, then sure go ahead and tell them. However, if you are not, beware of gossip as pictured below:

 Water Cooler Gossip

Of course there are also positive aspects of coming at to colleagues. In some circumstances, you work long hours or in such close quarters with your co-workers that you become really good friends too. In any situation, you have to gauge how comfortable you are trusting other people. By all means, if your relationship with colleagues has evolved to one in which it is more of a friendship than purely "office" or "work" relationships [platonic], just go for it. 

I've found that coming out to people at work who are also H6, or who are obviously open-minded individuals that you trust is also a very liberating experience. I never felt comfortable telling my direct manager or upper leadership or any of those "boss" type levels about my sexual orientation, except for the ones that are also H6. You would be surprised to find out who else in your work environment is also part of the H6 community <3 If you have questions, feel free to leave comments below and I'll try my best to answer them. 

Good luck to all H6s coming out of the work closet!
~when you are ready~

As always, “be well, do good work and keep in touch.” - Noam Chomsky

Parents. Love.

I just really wanted to share this article with you all. This is really touching, and I hope all our parents will be able to get to this stage at some point in their lives:

Parents of LGBT children in Taiwan launch official group

click above

Please check it out if you're interested in coming out, or have come out to your parents already and would like to open up a discussion with them <3

How I Came Out to my Mother, Part 1

Cause and Effect.


Really, that's how it came about. There was a situation, a cause, that prompted the effect of me coming out to my mother. So here's how it happened.


It was really my aunt.


Haha, that's cheating right? I didn't really come out to my mother myself? Not quite. You see, now that I've experienced it, I think this is a great way to come out to your parents. Come out to one of their close siblings first. For me, fortunately, I was already really close to my aunt, who is also close to my mom (well, they're sisters). I didn't know this at the time, but right after I came out to my Aunt, she told my Mother.


In a nutshell:


-Rented a lesbian movie with aunt/uncle
-afterwards, came out to Aunt online...because I was too afraid to tell her in person
-Aunt told Mother
-Mother suspects I am gay for a couple months..and questions if I am going to a gay bar every time I go out
-breakup with 1st gf prompted coming out (as bi at the time)


Result:
-NO Motherly comfort, just an intense Q&A session
-1 week later, I came out to my dad only because I felt it was unfair to tell one parent and not the other.


The nitty gritty details:


It was my 3rd year in college, and I don't really remember why I had picked a gay themed movie to watch while my relatives and I were at Blockbuster on a Friday night. I was back home for the weekend visiting and when we couldn't find any movies to rent, I picked up this Gay themed one with an Asian girl on the cover, and some other movies. We ended up watching the one I picked. 


It was a horrible movie. Terrible actually. First off, it was only an hour long, and second, it must have been a low budget poorly written production because there was hardly any story and I had never heard of it before,...I was just curious. So, after I made my relatives watch this terrible gay movie, they gave me the opportunity to open up a discussion. My aunt asked me,

"So..............is there something you want to tell us?" 

Me: 0_0          ........*GULP*  

um.....noooo *awkward pause* ok, i'm gonna go to my room now.

After I get back to my apartment at school, my Aunt IMs me and directly asks if I like girls. What can I say...This was the first time I came out to anyone in my family.

Scary, but not impossible.

As I started to tell my Aunt my deepest and darkest secret I've kept my whole life...I couldn't help the tears that started streaming down my cheeks. I remember telling her I didn't want to tell anyone because I was ashamed of how I really felt and who I really was. Growing up, I was always the obedient daughter and never wanted to disappoint my parents or my family. At the time, I felt like being gay was one of the greatest disappointments I could be to my parents and my biggest fear was becoming just that. A disappointment. 


Not only was I afraid of being a disappointment, I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore, or love me less, or blame themselves or ...or any other undesirable scenario a child could imagine if their parents found out they were gay. Imagine if you had a child, and one day they came to you and told you they are attracted to people of their same gender. How would you feel?
...
And then, how would you react?


Exactly. If your parents were only exposed to a culture and society that embraced ignorance and hypocrisy, then you probably would NEVER want to come out to them. You can imagine how I felt when my Aunt broached the topic and cracked open the closet door for me.
...


I remember saying something like, "do you think I'm a monster?" and "For as long as I can remember I was like this...I didn't choose to be gay"


I couldn't have wished for a better reaction. My Aunt said I should have come out to her sooner, and that I should have known better. She's such an open-minded person that I could have told her sooner instead of having lived in fear and walked a lonely road through adolescence. I felt so relieved and so liberated and grateful that she accepted me for who I am. I was overwhelmed.


I can't describe in words how I felt that day when I finally told someone in my family how I truly felt inside. No more questions or comments about me finding a boyfriend or any other hypothetical marriage scenarios of me with a future "husband." I felt accepted. I was still loved in exactly the same manner as a gay niece vs. a straight niece. I'm really lucky to have someone in the family that is so open-minded and accepting. 

I can finally share my true feelings without having to hide or lie about who I am with someone in the family.

IM convo ...about the future...and having kids

In an IM conversation to a friend of mine about my thought process towards education for my future kids:

Me: I like my parents around...but probably not all the time

...

Finland idea..came from when my parents went to Helsinki for their anniversary cruise

and then i look up that their economy and education system ain't bad at all

in fact..much better than the states...

seems like a great place to grow up and raise a family

....Who doesnt want the best education for their kids right?

i dont wanna be pregnant...so i dont really have to worry about the childbirth process..unless my partner has complications if she gets pregnant...

so..i have to keep that option open.

I'm 27.

not that young anymore if i want to have a healthy baby

and who knows if my partner will one day be older or younger..but if they're older..then more possibility they will have a difficult childbirth right?

....thinking too much

i just gotta make money

26 Amazing Facts About Finland's Unorthodox Education System

Me: thanks for reading

i have too many dreams

i want to do everything

but everything requires lots of money..so I have to think smart on how to make my portfolio grow
---
*sigh* 
story of everybody's life right? Money is what makes the world go 'round. It's easier to make money with money. More money = more power... etc. etc.


So then it begs the question: What would you do if it was YOU that had an abundance of wealth?


EDIT: After some further research, I'd pick Singapore as a potential city/country for my future kids. It's equally awesome and may have an even better education system than Finland...

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88sRFY7JCqo&feature=colike

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

Listen. Watch. Imagine.

I'm sure you've had those confusing childhood moments when you just don't know if you really do like boys, or girls, or both. This movie draws on those moments and brings the audience to a point in time where life was simpler, yet more complicated. You know what I mean.

This singer 陳綺貞 is featured in this MV. Her sexuality is unknown to me, but I'm glad she made this MV to help all the wandering gaysians out there feel a little less lonely on this journey of self - discovery.


EDIT (3/20): This MV features clips from the movie "Blue Gate" or "藍色大門" in case you were wondering or wanted to check it out :)

這個世界已經夠煩惱了。太多複雜的事情會讓我們感覺到壓力。記得小時候單純的生活嗎？長大以後，要記得我們走過的路，我們快樂和不快樂的時候。這些過程會讓我們變成我們以後會當的成仇大人。

Saving Face

The movie:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384504/

這部電影真的很好看. 為什麼? 當然是因為有很多可愛的女生阿...哈哈哈 . 一個媽媽的愛心, 一個女兒的關心, 一個愛人的感情...有什麼電影可以包括這麼多的感覺在兩個小時之內呢? 很少.

如果你還沒有看過這部電影, 一定要看.這是我最喜歡的女同志電影. 看完以後, 跟我們大家分享你的感受吧.

EDIT (3/17): I just bought this movie from the Eslite bookstore 誠品書店 in Taipei. I know I know, can't believe I didn't own it before because I own like every other popular Lesbian Taiwanese movie when I visit Gin Gin's bookstore in Taipei...but I was waiting for a version that had Chinese and English dubbed audio...and this version I got has like...every language subbed too: Spanish, French, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai..etc etc...so I can lend it around to almost anyone :) YAY!

THE SISTER

Sums up my relationship with my other sibling...THE SISTER

In case you were thinking...wow, it must be so easy for you and your family is so cool and accepting of the fact you're gay...not QUITE. I am introducing the other sibling today. The one that really makes my blood boil from sheer anger. The one I abhor. Yes, that's right, I said it...abhor.


You know those people that really rub you the wrong way. Not only that, they like to boss you around, think they're always right, and flat out make your life difficult as hell? Yea, that's my sister. Don't get me wrong, i'm sure deep deep deeeeeeeeeeeeep down I love her, but honestly, I can't stand her. Why? Let me tell you why.


#1 - Let's start with the fact that she turned christian and became super religious (by way of her ex-bf) and believes that I will be going to hell because I happen to like people of the same gender as me.
#2 - Who doesn't wish their brother or sister a happy life? Mine. 
#3 - Hypocrite. She makes flat out mean comments about me. Worst of all, sometimes in front of my parents so that they'll start agreeing and thinking like her. Ex: That being gay is a choice.
#4 - Bossy, Bitchy, Bratty <-- fact
#5 - Ugly on the inside. 

In Napa county wine tasting with Mom, brother and sister. Among many unpleasant events throughout the day, this one tops it off:

"Wow, it's so beautiful here and so peaceful. Isn't it nice Brother? *smug smile* One day, I'd like to get married in a place like this." 

Sister: [glares] "If you get married, it BETTER be to a man."

Me: [what i really want to say]: Bitch.

Hey, in all honestly, I don't tell people how to live their life right? You just have to me open-minded and accepting of all people, even the bitchy ones. So what I really did in this situation, I ignored her and didn't let her ruin all of our evenings by starting an argument in public. The lesson here is this:

If we want our future to be a better and more loving society of educated individuals, we have to be the change we want to see.

So, what the heck do you do when you have a sibling who is condescending, ignorant and completely against you being an LGBT person? Simple. Don't be THEM. In my case, I just throw back the argument:


 You know what Sister? I don't tell you how to live your life and who you should or should not love. I don't force you to date a woman, or TRY to date a woman just to see if you are NOT straight. I don't tell the parents that being straight is a CHOICE and you chose to live like that. I think the worst part of it is when the Sister started bashing on my Ex-Girlfriend because of her race. OH NO YOU DIDN'T! I know, I should have walked away, but I couldn't. There she is trying to tell my mom I shouldn't date someone because she had a bad college roommate fiasco (which by the way I think cuz her roommate started to crush on her) and turned into this whole big drama thing, and now she's trying sway my mother that everyone of that race is crazy. 


You da crazy one, bitch! If you want people to like you as a person, you better start treating other people with some respect and stop talking smack about people you don't know.

Love is Love

When I was 14...

I liked a girl for 3 yrs.
I thought I was the only gay asian person.
I didn't know anybody else that was Chinese AND gay.
I knew I could never tell her that I liked her...because she'd never return the feelings.


Freshman year. High School. Hormones. Teenage angst. It's a hard time to be a teenager, the first child in a demanding Chinese family with the pressure and expectation of attending top tier colleges, and maintain extraordinarily unique extra-curricular activities on your resume, AND just to keep it interesting...be gay too.


In junior high and parts of high school, the last thing you want to do is stand out. Everybody is so self-conscious about everything that it would be the death of a teenager if someone found out you were different. If a rumor about someone having an eating disorder could go on for weeks, what would they say if they found out somebody was gay, a lesbian, a bisexual?? Trans?? Terrifying!


These are all thoughts that I (probably) had running through my head. My memory can play tricks on me, but i'm sure this was around the ballpark of what I was thinking. You know, my deepest, darkest secret and fear has always been this: being different...NOT being the "perfect" daughter for my parents...NOT being able to be like everyone else....and NOT being able to share who you really have a crush on...and things like that. It's tough. Life is tough.


But just remember this:

"It gets better."                                              (Just like the 'it gets better' project)

Honestly, it does. When I was 14, I probably wouldn't have believed it, or ever thought I would ever one day come out to my parents, but I did. And you know what? It's not that bad. I know I am very lucky to have the parents that I do to accept who I am, but it also took some time. Definitely didn't happen overnight.

This post is for all those teenagers out there who feel like they're trapped in their world, in their life, in their current situation forever. And I hope this can find even just one teenager out there to give them hope that life does get better. Even though it may not seem like it right now, but trust me, people change, times change, and your life can change too. 


Don't give up hope. Hey, "where there's a will, there's a way." (Dang I'm using a lot of metaphors in this post) ...and keep on smiling. Life DOES gets better :)