Wedding Attire = Anxiety

kipper clotheirs tie offered on kickstarter campaign Greyscale Goods

Ok....so I just found this kickstarter campaign called GREYSCALE GOODS with 24 hours left. Great news is that they're already funded, however, this androgynous clothing line started by a woman in Los Angeles and caters to the androgynous female clientele is trying to start a business JUST FOR US!! check it out and support them! I can't wait to see what else they come up with next!

whoa....http://www.dapperq.com/2014/10/personalized-androgynous-clothing-could-be-waiting-on-your-doorstep-if-greyscale-goods-is-backed-on-kickstarter/

AND if you feel like helping out more or just spreading the word...they have a little 5 min survey (only took me 2 min) to help them better their products toward US! 
http://bit.ly/1r1uEbG

kipper clothiers

and for WEDDING ATTIRE related clothing...try these sites :) good luck!

• http://www.gayweddingdestinations.com/information/lesbian-wedding-outfits.aspx
• https://twitter.com/dapperQ 

for that tailored fit..... http://www.kipperclothiers.biz/ ....for women (and men) who exclusively wear men's clothes :) yay!    and wait what? wedding attire advice? No way!

• http://www.soyoureengayged.com/2010/what-to-wear-to-a-wedding-part-two/
• http://sf.racked.com/archives/2014/06/11/custom-wedding-suits-for-women-sf.php

Oh yea..and since Ellen Degeneres has a great sense of style...
http://www.pinterest.com/ellentv/ellens-style/

The yellow equal sign

The Human Rights Campaign

I don't really know what they do, but I see the bumper stickers, T-shirts, etc... everywhere, especially around the city of San Francisco. [http://www.hrc.org/] However, I do like this back to school twitter post they have about how to confront the "That's so Gay!" phrase among students:

https://twitter.com/HRC/status/510129561099857921/photo/1

Try it out and leave a comment on how it went :)

Guide to Dating, Part 1

Love at first sight?! Probably not. 
Attraction at first sight?! Probably yes.

Therefore, let's do a post on some guidelines for dating if you are thinking about going on the market, *ahem* the dating market. FYI, this is just my own market research I've done regarding fashion and grooming tips from my circle of gaysian buddies. Here we go~

Fashion & Grooming Tips

For gay guys:

• grooming
• hygiene
• fashion
• personality

For gay girls:

• hygiene
• confidence
• personality

Everybody has their own style. What's yours? Figure that out first, then be comfortable in your own shoes (literally and figuratively). Once you've established what your particular and unique style(s) are, then work it! Accentuate on all your positive features, and ask your friends to help you with this part. If they are your true friends, they will tell it like it is, no sugar coating and most likely, take you shopping to get some new outfits or makeovers or whatnot. After-all, isn't that what friends are for? ^_^''

Secondly, once you've established your style got some help with your wardrobe and exterior stuff, time to work on the interior. Build that confidence. Again, be comfortable in your own shoes. Know what you like, and what you don't like. If you don't know, then yes, that is where the term "dating" came from, to help us all figure it out. 

Another thing to keep in mind, it's okay to take your time and figure it out. There is nothing wrong with being single, not being single, feeling attracted to a particular gender, or both, or none. Everybody is different and we should all be accepting of everyone's unique qualities and preferences. After-all, we do live in America. Well, most of the readers here do anyway.

Ok, so there you are, some grooming and fashion tips from yours truly, now go out there and get'em! Good luck and happy searching~

UCLA Queer Asian Pacific Islander Study

What does it mean to be part of the community?

Helping out groups like QAPI complete surveys on what it means to be Queer and Asian.

http://vimeo.com/65035598

click above to fill out survey

I completed it already. Now it's your turn.

How do you meet more gay people?

So, you are single and you wish to meet more people just like you. Alright, so, how do you filter out all the straight people and just meet other eligible H6 bachelors and bachelorettes?

From what I've gathered, here are a couple places you can start with:

• Local coffee shops
• Music stores and bookstores (i.e. Eslite bookstore 成品書店, Barnes & Noble, ...)
• Join a local volunteer group you are passionate about (i.e. Habitat for Humanity, Tzu Chi, Red Cross, Animal Shelters, ... )
• Online meet-up groups
• I've heard many people try these online activity groups like hiking, climbing, bike-riding, etc.. Seems to be quite successful in meeting more friends at least.

If you want to try online dating, here are a couple sites to start you out with:

In Taiwan I just heard about this dating site called 2girl.net:

• 2girl.net
• unfortunately it is all in Chinese, so if you can't read/write, sorry.
• you can create a profile and categorize yourself very specifically:
• T (for tomboy)
• P (for 'po' or wife in mandarin)
• Neither but lean towards T
• Neither but lean towards P
• Bisexual
• Male Lesbian  <-- what does that even mean??
• Unsure
• Does not wish to disclose
• Still in closet
• Androgenous
• The interesting bit is you get 'points' for browsing and using the features on the site. For instance, if you join a chat group, you get x points and the more you accumulate, you can 'graduate' from a elementary to middle school level, and so on until doctorate or professor titles.
• OKcupid.com
• This dating site is global, not just in Taiwan. I think this has picked up traction in the states but not so much overseas yet. I could be wrong. It has been awhile since I've visited.
• Cool thing is you can also search "gay guys only" or "gay girls only" and choose not to be seen by non-gay people.
• Downelink.com
• This was what the kids used in college and I know at least two couples who met on DL. I prefer OKC though.

If you know of other popular dating websites, please go ahead and share them with other readers of gaysiansays. I'm sure it will be much appreciated since I am by no means a dating site expert. 

What do you use for online dating? Any advice on how to meet other H6 people?

Taiwan LGBT spots to checkout

Check this out - Queer Girl City Guide: Taipei, Taiwan

http://www.autostraddle.com/queer-girl-city-guide-taipei-taiwan-136557/

FYI - very queer and women focused site 'Autostraddle' is a great place to get your daily dose of L news...

Taipei Hangout Spots:

• apparently the 信義 Xinyi district is known for being a "gay friendly" area. My friend told me there are lots of couples walking around there, very open, very public. FYI - she's straight, and she tells me sometimes it feels like she's out of place because there are so many same-sex couples in the area 0_0'' very surprising! I suppose it must be similar to the castro district in San Francisco where you just feel somewhat out of place if you are not part of the community.
• Xi Men Ding 西門町 bars are also a must visit location for those staying in Taipei. In the evenings, there's a whole slew of outdoor seating with your pick of bars that allows you to unwind after a hard week of work with your buddies while ordering some delicious drinks under the evening stars and of course, checking out other good looking people ;) 

Taipei shops:

• gin gin's bookstore 晶晶書庫 : one stop shop w/ books, movies, articles, knick-knacks, clothing, random rainbow stuff, etc...
  
  http://www.ginginbooks.com/index.htm
• loveboat (across the street from gin gin's)
  
  http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/index.php?osCsid=42716e4306b167e511954d058bc8fbe6

Taipei clubs:

• Taboo,  台北市建國北路2段90號,  011 886 2 2518 1119 http://www.taboo.com.tw/
  This place is pretty cool. Since Esha is no longer around, the L ladies flock to this place which puts on monthly events too I believe. Check it out if you're in the neighborhood or plan on visiting Formosa.
• The autostraddle article mentions a place called "twiice" but I've never been to it

Honestly, outside of Taipei...I don't know of any "LGBT" themed/designated areas. However, I do know that you can spot an LGBT person anywhere you go - pretty much anywhere in Taiwan. It's a friendly country :) 

I came out to my 外公 grandfather

I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...

Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude. 

Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.


So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.  

Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture* 
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0'' 
       *waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ......  :]

That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation. 


As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:

 老小老小　"Old little Old little" 

It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help. 


When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88sRFY7JCqo&feature=colike

陳綺貞 - 小步舞曲

Listen. Watch. Imagine.

I'm sure you've had those confusing childhood moments when you just don't know if you really do like boys, or girls, or both. This movie draws on those moments and brings the audience to a point in time where life was simpler, yet more complicated. You know what I mean.

This singer 陳綺貞 is featured in this MV. Her sexuality is unknown to me, but I'm glad she made this MV to help all the wandering gaysians out there feel a little less lonely on this journey of self - discovery.


EDIT (3/20): This MV features clips from the movie "Blue Gate" or "藍色大門" in case you were wondering or wanted to check it out :)

這個世界已經夠煩惱了。太多複雜的事情會讓我們感覺到壓力。記得小時候單純的生活嗎？長大以後，要記得我們走過的路，我們快樂和不快樂的時候。這些過程會讓我們變成我們以後會當的成仇大人。

Saving Face

The movie:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384504/

這部電影真的很好看. 為什麼? 當然是因為有很多可愛的女生阿...哈哈哈 . 一個媽媽的愛心, 一個女兒的關心, 一個愛人的感情...有什麼電影可以包括這麼多的感覺在兩個小時之內呢? 很少.

如果你還沒有看過這部電影, 一定要看.這是我最喜歡的女同志電影. 看完以後, 跟我們大家分享你的感受吧.

EDIT (3/17): I just bought this movie from the Eslite bookstore 誠品書店 in Taipei. I know I know, can't believe I didn't own it before because I own like every other popular Lesbian Taiwanese movie when I visit Gin Gin's bookstore in Taipei...but I was waiting for a version that had Chinese and English dubbed audio...and this version I got has like...every language subbed too: Spanish, French, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai..etc etc...so I can lend it around to almost anyone :) YAY!

H6

THE kinsey scale. What is H6? Stands for "Hella Gay"
This my friends, is how you point out someone you see in public, but don't want to say the word "gay" out loud...so you just say:

"Hey guys..check it out..H6 H6 walking to your right" 

 to purchase

Here's wikipedia's explanation of the kinsey scale, if you haven't already heard of it. I first learned about this in APIQ at school and found it was very interesting. There is where the term "sexuality is fluid" comes from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

In case you were wondering...I would probably rate myself a H5 on the scale. Like I said, it fluctuates, but I'd say i'm a solid 5. I don't rule out the possibility of meeting a "guy" but I also know myself well enough to say that I am mostly attracted to girls. Always have been, and probably always will be. However, since love is love, who knows. Perhaps one day a dude will swoop me off my feet and I just can't say no. haha, we'll see.


My friend came up with this term and it has stuck. We like to keep it used within the community, but of course share this wonderful new vocabulary with your friends. It makes life easier when you go people watching or don't want to attract attention from eavesdroppers. 


Have fun!


p.s. Happy Birthday Brother!

Resource for coming out to Asian Parents

I recommend getting the book, 親愛的爸媽, 我是同志 (Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experience). Unfortunately it is printed in Chinese, but it's great if you have Chinese parents or can read some Chinese yourself:

This book helped me a lot when I came out to my Chinese parents. Mind you, my Dad is one of the most traditional fathers there are when it comes to Chinese culture. My parents grew up in Taiwan, and I grew up in California. Although both my parents have been living in the U.S. for more than 25 years now, it's still difficult for them to accept that their own child is gay (Lesbian to be specific). 


Anyway, this book helped me a lot, maybe more than my parents. It just made me feel like I'm not alone. So many stories about how other people around the world are just like me, and faced with the exact same situation. I read about how parents react, and this is from every imaginable possibility. I read about how everyone has their own method and timing of coming out. So if you can read Chinese, get it. It helps! If anything, it just helps you feel like you are not alone :) and that's comforting.


I read this book before I came out and it gave me strength and encouragement that everyone can do it, and it's such a relief. Liberation. The weight of a mountain lifted off your shoulders. A secret you no longer have to bear. A lifelong burden.....gone. I wanted that relief. I wanted that liberation so bad that when the moment came, I did it. I just ... in that moment decided to come out to my parents. Had I not been introduced to this book, I don't know if I would have found the strength and courage to tell my parents who I truly was...because you know what, It's scary as hell to think that if your parents knew who you really were, that they wouldn't love you anymore. That you'd somehow let them down. A disappointment. An un-filial child. Worst of all, hearing the most feared words from your father or mother that ...

"You are not my child anymore." 

What could be more awful than that??


So.....You'll have to keep reading to find out about HOW and WHEN I made the decision to come out to my mother.