I came out to my 外公 grandfather

I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...

Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude. 

Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.


So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.  

Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture* 
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0'' 
       *waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ......  :]

That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation. 


As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:

 老小老小　"Old little Old little" 

It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help. 


When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.

How I Came Out to my Mother, Part 1

Cause and Effect.


Really, that's how it came about. There was a situation, a cause, that prompted the effect of me coming out to my mother. So here's how it happened.


It was really my aunt.


Haha, that's cheating right? I didn't really come out to my mother myself? Not quite. You see, now that I've experienced it, I think this is a great way to come out to your parents. Come out to one of their close siblings first. For me, fortunately, I was already really close to my aunt, who is also close to my mom (well, they're sisters). I didn't know this at the time, but right after I came out to my Aunt, she told my Mother.


In a nutshell:


-Rented a lesbian movie with aunt/uncle
-afterwards, came out to Aunt online...because I was too afraid to tell her in person
-Aunt told Mother
-Mother suspects I am gay for a couple months..and questions if I am going to a gay bar every time I go out
-breakup with 1st gf prompted coming out (as bi at the time)


Result:
-NO Motherly comfort, just an intense Q&A session
-1 week later, I came out to my dad only because I felt it was unfair to tell one parent and not the other.


The nitty gritty details:


It was my 3rd year in college, and I don't really remember why I had picked a gay themed movie to watch while my relatives and I were at Blockbuster on a Friday night. I was back home for the weekend visiting and when we couldn't find any movies to rent, I picked up this Gay themed one with an Asian girl on the cover, and some other movies. We ended up watching the one I picked. 


It was a horrible movie. Terrible actually. First off, it was only an hour long, and second, it must have been a low budget poorly written production because there was hardly any story and I had never heard of it before,...I was just curious. So, after I made my relatives watch this terrible gay movie, they gave me the opportunity to open up a discussion. My aunt asked me,

"So..............is there something you want to tell us?" 

Me: 0_0          ........*GULP*  

um.....noooo *awkward pause* ok, i'm gonna go to my room now.

After I get back to my apartment at school, my Aunt IMs me and directly asks if I like girls. What can I say...This was the first time I came out to anyone in my family.

Scary, but not impossible.

As I started to tell my Aunt my deepest and darkest secret I've kept my whole life...I couldn't help the tears that started streaming down my cheeks. I remember telling her I didn't want to tell anyone because I was ashamed of how I really felt and who I really was. Growing up, I was always the obedient daughter and never wanted to disappoint my parents or my family. At the time, I felt like being gay was one of the greatest disappointments I could be to my parents and my biggest fear was becoming just that. A disappointment. 


Not only was I afraid of being a disappointment, I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore, or love me less, or blame themselves or ...or any other undesirable scenario a child could imagine if their parents found out they were gay. Imagine if you had a child, and one day they came to you and told you they are attracted to people of their same gender. How would you feel?
...
And then, how would you react?


Exactly. If your parents were only exposed to a culture and society that embraced ignorance and hypocrisy, then you probably would NEVER want to come out to them. You can imagine how I felt when my Aunt broached the topic and cracked open the closet door for me.
...


I remember saying something like, "do you think I'm a monster?" and "For as long as I can remember I was like this...I didn't choose to be gay"


I couldn't have wished for a better reaction. My Aunt said I should have come out to her sooner, and that I should have known better. She's such an open-minded person that I could have told her sooner instead of having lived in fear and walked a lonely road through adolescence. I felt so relieved and so liberated and grateful that she accepted me for who I am. I was overwhelmed.


I can't describe in words how I felt that day when I finally told someone in my family how I truly felt inside. No more questions or comments about me finding a boyfriend or any other hypothetical marriage scenarios of me with a future "husband." I felt accepted. I was still loved in exactly the same manner as a gay niece vs. a straight niece. I'm really lucky to have someone in the family that is so open-minded and accepting. 

I can finally share my true feelings without having to hide or lie about who I am with someone in the family.

Saving Face

The movie:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384504/

這部電影真的很好看. 為什麼? 當然是因為有很多可愛的女生阿...哈哈哈 . 一個媽媽的愛心, 一個女兒的關心, 一個愛人的感情...有什麼電影可以包括這麼多的感覺在兩個小時之內呢? 很少.

如果你還沒有看過這部電影, 一定要看.這是我最喜歡的女同志電影. 看完以後, 跟我們大家分享你的感受吧.

EDIT (3/17): I just bought this movie from the Eslite bookstore 誠品書店 in Taipei. I know I know, can't believe I didn't own it before because I own like every other popular Lesbian Taiwanese movie when I visit Gin Gin's bookstore in Taipei...but I was waiting for a version that had Chinese and English dubbed audio...and this version I got has like...every language subbed too: Spanish, French, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai..etc etc...so I can lend it around to almost anyone :) YAY!

Take your mother's advice...and meet a girl???

You ever have those periods of time when you just give up on meeting someone? You know the feeling, after you've tried online dating, going out to clubs with friends, and even crushing on the cutest straight girl around you? Well let me tell you, after a couple months of trying, I decided to take my mother's advice:

"You're a good catch! Don't try so hard to meet someone, let them come to you!"

Hmmm, ok. Next thing you know, I attend my friends birthday party in San Francisco, and after a night of clubbing, I met someone. Or rather, someone found me!


The story is quite interesting really, because our huge 3 person birthday bash took up a good portion of the dance floor. So it's fair to say, any interested singles would have to be pretty brave to breach our massive group and approach one of us. OK, so my group of say 20 some friends, mostly Asians, are grabbing drinks and dancing it up in the middle of the club, and one of my buddies taps me on the shoulder. He's one of the bday boys, so he's already drunk, and he says to me:

"Dude, that girl over there is totally your type. And it looks like she's alone, you should totally go talk to her!"

Being the sober designated driver, and not that desperate anymore, I say "Oh, she looks really cute but I'm not desperate." This is when another buddy walks over and says in my ear, "Hey, what's the deal here. You interested in her? Yea? OK, lemme handle this. I got you covered." And, the next thing I know, they're bringing this girl over to our group and introducing her to me. Mind you, I believe she already had a couple drinks. So we introduce each other, I find out she's a student here from Korea, studying engineering as a graduate student. *I perk up immediately* This girl is really smart, and really intelligent, and she's a foreigner. She's got my attention; i'm totally intrigued now. (Intelligence is one of the most attractive features to me) When I came back from buying a round of drinks with everyone, my buddy has been talking her up for like 10 minutes. So, I figure, oh maybe she's into the cute girl, eh ok, she can have her. 


As I'm turning around to see how the conversation is going, the cute (and slightly drunk) girl has approached me. She's giving me the signal, this stare, like "I can't look away from you, deep in your eyes" stare, and she's walking closer and closer to me. The distance between us is getting smaller, and she just about takes me by surprise. YuP! She kissed me. I must admit, it had been awhile since I was in a relationship that I forgot what it felt like to kiss someone. It felt goood. 


We ended up making out the whole night in the club, and that's how I met my girlfriend. 


What my buddy was really doing while I went to buy a round of drinks was saying things like "Yea, my friend over there, she's totally into you. She thinks you're really cute! You're just her type. Are you here by yourself? What do you do? ......" 


SO HERE'S MY ADVICE: If you ever meet a girl you want to get to know better, have one of your buddies be the cupid and start building up a great introduction about yourself and test out the waters for you. And if you're really bold and gutsy, go for the glory and go up and talk to the girl (or guy) yourself! What's the worse that can happen, she/he'll just say no. So if you don't ask, you'll already be getting a NO answer anyway, so just do it!


Oh yea, and in the end, taking my mother's advice was the best advice about dating I ever got. So here it is again: Don't go search and looking for someone or worse, "the one", but rather let them come to you. Sometimes it's when you least expect it that love finds its way to you. Who would've known?!