Denial

Ever since I can remember, I knew I was gay. Or technically speaking, a Lesbian. This has been my deepest and darkest secret my whole life. My earliest memories of liking girls went as far back as preschool. I still have pictures from birthday parties of the girl I always invited over for cake, always played with on the playground, and yes, secretly had a crush on. 


I remember on the playground, I would always pretend to be superman, and I would be rescuing "her" from evil villains. C'mon, I had to be superman. Especially since this was my favorite childhood superhero (I had all four tapes at home). Her name was Jennifer.


In kindergarden, I had to start over with a whole new class of kids I didn't know. I don't remember much from my kinder years, but I do know I liked this other girl. Her name was Sarah. The funniest thing was I remember confronting her, at the age of 6!!! Can you believe that? Luckily, I don't think she understood what I was telling her. Here's what I remember from the conversation:


(six year old Me): Hi Sarah, I have something to tell you.
Sarah: Ok. What is it?
(six year old Me): (BIG GULP) ....I .... I..... I like you. 
        *and I give her a heart shaped shiny sticker I found.*


I don't remember what happened after that. But she was still my friend. 


That was the beginning when I first knew that I liked girls.