How I Came Out to my Mother, Part 1

Cause and Effect.


Really, that's how it came about. There was a situation, a cause, that prompted the effect of me coming out to my mother. So here's how it happened.


It was really my aunt.


Haha, that's cheating right? I didn't really come out to my mother myself? Not quite. You see, now that I've experienced it, I think this is a great way to come out to your parents. Come out to one of their close siblings first. For me, fortunately, I was already really close to my aunt, who is also close to my mom (well, they're sisters). I didn't know this at the time, but right after I came out to my Aunt, she told my Mother.


In a nutshell:


-Rented a lesbian movie with aunt/uncle
-afterwards, came out to Aunt online...because I was too afraid to tell her in person
-Aunt told Mother
-Mother suspects I am gay for a couple months..and questions if I am going to a gay bar every time I go out
-breakup with 1st gf prompted coming out (as bi at the time)


Result:
-NO Motherly comfort, just an intense Q&A session
-1 week later, I came out to my dad only because I felt it was unfair to tell one parent and not the other.


The nitty gritty details:


It was my 3rd year in college, and I don't really remember why I had picked a gay themed movie to watch while my relatives and I were at Blockbuster on a Friday night. I was back home for the weekend visiting and when we couldn't find any movies to rent, I picked up this Gay themed one with an Asian girl on the cover, and some other movies. We ended up watching the one I picked. 


It was a horrible movie. Terrible actually. First off, it was only an hour long, and second, it must have been a low budget poorly written production because there was hardly any story and I had never heard of it before,...I was just curious. So, after I made my relatives watch this terrible gay movie, they gave me the opportunity to open up a discussion. My aunt asked me,

"So..............is there something you want to tell us?" 

Me: 0_0          ........*GULP*  

um.....noooo *awkward pause* ok, i'm gonna go to my room now.

After I get back to my apartment at school, my Aunt IMs me and directly asks if I like girls. What can I say...This was the first time I came out to anyone in my family.

Scary, but not impossible.

As I started to tell my Aunt my deepest and darkest secret I've kept my whole life...I couldn't help the tears that started streaming down my cheeks. I remember telling her I didn't want to tell anyone because I was ashamed of how I really felt and who I really was. Growing up, I was always the obedient daughter and never wanted to disappoint my parents or my family. At the time, I felt like being gay was one of the greatest disappointments I could be to my parents and my biggest fear was becoming just that. A disappointment. 


Not only was I afraid of being a disappointment, I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore, or love me less, or blame themselves or ...or any other undesirable scenario a child could imagine if their parents found out they were gay. Imagine if you had a child, and one day they came to you and told you they are attracted to people of their same gender. How would you feel?
...
And then, how would you react?


Exactly. If your parents were only exposed to a culture and society that embraced ignorance and hypocrisy, then you probably would NEVER want to come out to them. You can imagine how I felt when my Aunt broached the topic and cracked open the closet door for me.
...


I remember saying something like, "do you think I'm a monster?" and "For as long as I can remember I was like this...I didn't choose to be gay"


I couldn't have wished for a better reaction. My Aunt said I should have come out to her sooner, and that I should have known better. She's such an open-minded person that I could have told her sooner instead of having lived in fear and walked a lonely road through adolescence. I felt so relieved and so liberated and grateful that she accepted me for who I am. I was overwhelmed.


I can't describe in words how I felt that day when I finally told someone in my family how I truly felt inside. No more questions or comments about me finding a boyfriend or any other hypothetical marriage scenarios of me with a future "husband." I felt accepted. I was still loved in exactly the same manner as a gay niece vs. a straight niece. I'm really lucky to have someone in the family that is so open-minded and accepting. 

I can finally share my true feelings without having to hide or lie about who I am with someone in the family.