I know. I came out to my grandfather.
Let's just let that thought marinate for a little bit longer...
Specifically, I came out to my adorable grandpa on my most recent trip to Taiwan. He's hard of hearing, so it took some effort and patience and eventually showing him a picture of my ex for him to understand that I was talking about a past relationship with another girl, not a dude.
Honestly, I've thought about coming out to him for awhile, but I never had the guts to do it. Parents were easier in the sense that they are younger and hopefully more open-minded to the craziness going on in our generation (and generations to come for that matter). However, I always hesitated with the elder generation because of their health and the shock from knowing that one of their grand-children... is gay. First off, I'm impressed if any older person even knows what the word "gay" means! Haha. Old people can be so silly and so cute.
So imagine yourself going out to the park or the local grocery store everyday with your grandpa because, you know, they have nothing better to do and need the exercise ... and on one of these very relaxing and peaceful walks your grandpa can see that something is upsetting you. Then you are tasked with the dilemma of making something stupid up or actually telling him what the REAL thing that's bothering you is. Yea...that's when I made the decision. Didn't want to hide it from him anymore and just wanted to laugh it off like every other topic we discuss.
Grandpa: So tell me really what is making you sad and depressed...
Me: .... mmmm.... well I was talking with Brother last night about all his prospective crushes, and it made me feel sad because I started thinking about my own past relationship *SIGH*
Grandpa: ...ah...hehe... well why do you feel sad? If it's just a matter of "losing the love" just go back to your ex and "rekindle the flame" hehehe
Me: ... 0_o'' well...I don't think that will work. It's not that simple. There's a lot of other reasons too why we are not together anymore *contemplating if I should tell him it's a girl and not a guy*
Grandpa: ...what did you say? huh? ... eh feelings. Young people these days are all about feelings and love. You can always create love and the feelings will come naturally. Relationships take effort and lots of work.
Me: ...(thinks about the high divorce rate in America) ... hmm, maybe all those people just stopped trying and gave up. Poor children with multiple parents and step-parents due to divorce.
... eh, here grandpa, this is a picture of my EX... *shows picture*
Grandpa: ...eh? ahh..that's a girl. . . . HEHE, so you've been talking about a girl this whole time? hehe, I thought it was a boy! hehehehehe
Me: 0_0''
*waiting for more reaction*
.......???!!!!
Grandpa: eh, I don't know about these things. It's a fashionable thing for young people to be "gay" these days. Is your brother "gay" too? hehehe
Me: >_~'' PHEWF...*relieved* hahaha, no my brother is not gay. He's just...hahaha. No grandpa, he's not. Just me.
Me: ^_^" ...... :]
That was pretty much our conversation. I didn't have to worry about him telling my grandmother because well, my aunt did that for me too. I have yet to broach the topic with her, but that is for another day, or another year, when some circumstance or situation would prompt me to open that door and start that conversation.
As a filial grandkid, you don't want to give your grandparents a heart attack or some horrible shock that will disrupt their life. They're old. They need to take it easy and just enjoy their senior lives. There is a Chinese saying that goes like this:
老小老小 "Old little Old little"
It means Old People are like Little Kids. Sometimes they just want attention, they need extra care, they need help sometimes. Little Kids are the same way - they need attention, extra care and sometimes a little help.
When and IF you decide to come out to your grandparents, just be respectful of everybody's circumstances. Our grandparents grew up in an era of wartime, starvation and lots of suffering. They didn't have the opportunity to learn or be exposed to any gay ... well gay anything actually (at least not mine). Therefore, be kind and mindful of the elders in our society and give'em a break if they don't accept or have a hard time understanding what an Asian Queer person is. Took us time to collect and develop the courage to tell them. It'll take them some time to understand what it will be like to have a gaysian grandkid too.
